im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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