Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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