He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
