apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
