im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want nice things and good sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
