I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
