Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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