last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
