you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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