shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
