He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
