My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
