You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
