i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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