Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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