Buhtt sex?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
