Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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