Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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