Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
