i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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