They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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