Quick, to the slutcave!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
