My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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