I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
