Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
