His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
