You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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