I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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