Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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