I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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