John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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