You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
