none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
