I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are all done wearing pants today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
