I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
