maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
