4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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