Your mouth is God's brothel.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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