we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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