Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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