Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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