you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
