It's Friday. Sex?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
