Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
