May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
