out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
