She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
