So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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