If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
