Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize