dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
