I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
