I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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