Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
