alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
