The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
