I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
