i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
