yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
