I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
