i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
