this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
