No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize