So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
