She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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