maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
