So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
