Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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