There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
