he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
