I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
