Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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